Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I'm a psychic, that's my job.

Claire: Where do you live?
Jack: On the island.
Claire: You have a tent?
Jack: Swan Station.
Claire: Own or rent?
Jack: Rent.
Claire: What do you do for a living?
Jack: Spinal Surgeon.
Claire: Where's your office?
Jack: LA.
Claire: How come?
Jack: Because I need one.
Claire: Where's your wife?
Jack: In LA.
Claire: How come?
Jack: It's a long story.
Claire: You have kids?
Jack: No I don't.
Claire: How come?
Jack: It's an even longer story.
Claire: Are you my brother?
Jack: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Claire: 42.
Jack: I'm your brother alright.
Claire: You're a much better spinal surgeon than my Dad.
Jack: How nice of you to notice.
Claire: I'm a pregnant Australian chick - that's my job.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Isn't life swell?

Jack: DHARMA PB & J with the crusts cut off... Well, John, this is a very nutritious lunch; all the DHARMA food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

John: Uh, no, Mr. Cooper...

Jack: Ah. Here's my impression of life at Big John's house,
"Yeah, Dad?"
"How was your day, pal?"
"Great, Dad! How's yours?"
"Super! Say, how would like to give me your kidney this weekend?"
"Great, Dad! But I've got confusion and moping to do."
"That's okay, son! You can do it on the operating table!"
"Dear, isn't our son swell?"
"Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Friday, February 19, 2010

That son of a bitch is down there somewhere...

Kate: That island looks so peaceful from up here.

Hurley: Anything is peaceful from five thousand....four thousand....three thousand...two thousand, five hundred and forty-two feet, dude.

Jack: I think I see my dad.

I do have a test today.

Locke: I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on DHARMA socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not DHARMA. I don't plan on being DHARMA. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist Others, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a DHARMA VW Bus.
[sings into shower head a verse from Horace Goodspeed's "DHARMA Schoen"]
Locke: I recall...crashing planes that fall...that wreck tore your dress, what a mess, I confess...

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Rousseau: Pardon my French, but you're an asshole! Asshole!


Not that I condone DHARMA, or any cults for that matter. Cults in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in a cult, he should believe in himself. I quote John Locke, "I don't believe in Jacob, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the smoke monster. *I* could be the smoke monster. I'd still have to bum rides off people.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

John Locke's Day Off

Jack Shepard: I don't trust this guy any further than I can throw him.
Kate: Well, with your bad karma, Jack, you shouldn't throw anybody... It's true.
Jack: What is so dangerous about a character like John Locke is he gives good survivors bad ideas.
Kate: Mmm-hmm.
Jack: Last thing I need at this point in my career is 42 John Locke disciples running around this island. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern the Swan Station.
Kate: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Jack.
Jack: Thank you Kate. I think you're wrong.
Kate: Oh, well, he's very popular, Jack. The con-artists, murderers, pregnant women, lottery winners, washed up rock stars, Asians, supporting cast... They all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
Jack: That is why I have got to stop him this time. To show these people that the example he sets is a first class ticket on Oceanic Airlines to NOWHERE!
Kate: Oh, sounded like Sawyer just then.
Jack: Really?
Kate: Uh-huh!
Jack: Pfff. Hm...Thanks, Kate.